Monday, February 25, 2013

Nation-Wide Power Outage!?

Yes! Only in Panama could the electricity go out for four hours throughout the ENTIRE COUNTRY! Some goofball lit a sugar cane field on fire and it burned a high tension cable. Who puts a bunch of important electrical cables right next to a sugar cane field that will get burnt every year?! sigh

Thursday, October 25, 2012

You Know You've Lived in Panama If...

You've ever arrived late to an appointment because you were stuck behind a herd of stubborn cattle on the highway.

The words: "There's an iguana on the roof," don't surprise you.

You've ever woken up to the sounds of some guy in a pick-up truck screaming un-intelligibly over a loud speaker that he's buying up scrap metal...or did he say he's selling fish?

You're unwilling to go anywhere without an umbrella.

You expect to wait an hour or more for a bus to finally pass through your neighborhood...unless it's Sunday...or it's raining...or it's a national holiday...or...

You know why people throw towels over their heads to walk outside when there is no rain.

You have a rough idea of what "el aire" is and why everyone is so afraid of it, and, frankly you're beginning to think it's real.

You've become an expert at avoiding manure piles on the highway...or conversely, you've become an expert at removing manure from the bottom half of your car.

You expect the power to go out when it rains.

You hide from sunlight.

You're not surprised to hear a Chinese person say, "Dale pue' ".

You've ever purchased an orange knowing that it's actually a lemon.

You know what the real Panama Hat looks like and wouldn't be caught wearing it.

You're excessively happy to finally live in a house with sheet rock ceilings.

You're thrilled to see a bathroom where all the tiles match.

You feel like royalty because your whole house has hot water.

You've ever rented a house that had rooms painted in hot pink, neon green, flaming orange, AND drab blue.

You know that "a road block" means you'd better stock up on food, toilet paper and gasoline.

You've been tricked into eating cow's foot.

You knowingly ate a monkey and you went back for another helping.

You've ever had to throw away your socks because the mud JUST WOULDN'T COME OUT.

You understand that "personal space" doesn't exist in all countries.

You've stopped getting offended when someone asks you how much money you make, how much you weigh or how much you payed for that laptop.

You have surge protectors connected to every single power outlet in your house and you take them everywhere you go.

You know that some cockroaches can not only jump several feet, but that some can even fly.

You've ever checked your bedsheets you really want to know?

You're not surprised to see a horse tied to a fence post on a city street.

You've gone to a retail store to return some items and it took between four to seven people up to half an hour to complete the process.

You no longer use a telephone to call your neighbor. You just scream to them from your front porch.

You no longer worry if your clothes match or not.

You own at least one machete.

You have a congenial relationship with mold and all of your books smell like fact, most of them are green.

You've ever spent 3 hours removing water from your kitchen after an afternoon rain.

You know why some people fill bottles of rubbing alcohol with live scorpions.

To you, the word "quincena" means STAY HOME!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Naked Foul - The Chiriqui Chicken Story

They keep telling me that this is a special breed of chicken.  For more than a year, I thought they were all hiding something.  This HAS to be a government experiment.  Featherless chickens, I thought.  Meant to cut costs.  Pre-de-feathered to save money on butchering.  My husband thought they were just diseased and no one wanted to say anything. 

When some friends of mine that were visiting for the first time heard me say that I really disliked the chickens here and thought they were ugliest things I ever saw, they were shocked.  "Aw!  But why?!"  I said, "Come here..."  They came over to where I was standing and I pointed at one of these morphed creatures.  Their faces twisted up, tongues protruded in disgust, "EEeeewww!  You're right."  I smiled in triumph. 

What they saw was a partially feathered animal like this one above.  But it was much more skantily clad.  And the few feathers it had were white.  When, that same time, another ex-pat friend of mine saw it, he said crisply, "Makes it easier for butchering...cut here."  It makes me laugh every time I think of it.

When I told a childhood friend of mine about this phenomenon, I sent a few of these pictures.  Her family had raised chickens.  Before seeing the photographic evidence, she said, "They're only cute until they grow their pinfeathers."  I told her to brace herself because I had proof to the contrary.  Chiriqui chicks do not look like the photo below when they are born, or if they do by some chance, they don't stay this way for long....

So I sent her a few pictures of the half-nude chickens above.  Shortly afterward, I received a message saying that she and her husband were now deeply disturbed. 

They smell weird, the look awful, they are inconsiderate and loud and they absolutely can't cross the road safely when I am around them. 

So there it is folks.  I am not a fan of the Chiriquí chicken.  Or as my husband calls them, "Jurassic Park chickens".