Eating Out in Panama 101

You know how it is when you're sitting at Olive Garden with Dean Martin swooning away in the background as you wait for your zuppa toscana enjoying your free bread sticks...and then your waiter comes up to the table with his hands clasped and his head hanging down in shame.  He regrets to tell you that the new batch of zuppa toscana will not be ready for another 20 minutes.  Would you like to order something else, or do you mind waiting?  With that he apologizes repeatedly as though he just backed over your four month old puppy with a tractor trailer and tells you that your soup is on the house.


Or how about when you go to Bubba Gump Shrimp and your friend sends back the clam chowder because it's made with the wrong brand of evaporated milk for her taste...and they don't charge her for it...and lavish her with the same apologies for the inconvenience.


What about that one well-spoken waiter at the privately owned restaurant downtown who, though he has seven other tables to wait, senses every movement you make and comes at exactly the right moment to remove your empty plate, refill your water glass or ask you if you're ready for dessert or just prefer the check...


Well...
We're in Panama...


Panamanian restaurant service makes you wish you were at that sports bar and grill where the excessively perky waitress who's obviously taking large quantities of caffeine pills, is at your table every 2.35 minutes asking you "How is everything?" when your mouth is filled to capacity and you just want someone to slip her an elephant tranquilizer fast.


Eating out in Panama really requires equipment: a bullhorn, flashing neon lights, a whistle, a flare gun, a marching band and possibly several firecrackers. 


You can wait for a good ten minutes before anyone comes to give you a menu at some places.  The idea of getting your drink before your first course seems to be as complicated as astrophysics.  And if you need something in the middle of your meal, you basically have to chase down your waiter who is probably in the back chewing the fat with the cook who can't broil fish and talk at the same time.  You must learn the word, "joven" (which means "young man/young lady"), as it is the only way to get the attention of any waiter or waitress.


One night, we went out with a group of friends and we decided to try out a new place.  We were all pretty hungry, so as we watched the young waitress wait on only one table until they had finished their meal before she went to the next table, we knew we were in for a long night.  She didn't come to give us menus for 15 minutes.  She didn't get our drink order for 30 minutes.  By then, we were begging her to take our food order.  She didn't bring us our drinks until she brought us our food...and I think I've intentionally erased from my mind how long that took.  The whole experience lasted around three hours.  The food was excellent - I highly recommend the garlic trout.  But, now we know never to go there if we are already famished.


Sometimes though, if you have a good sense of humor and a fair understanding of Spanish, you can entertain yourself with the bilingual menus while you wait for your waiter to remember you're there.  I absolutely love the translations.  Items like: Chesse Cake, New Yor and Tibon can often be found.  My favorite though is when they didn't know the translation in English so they just leave it as is.  For example, one restaurant offered "jugo de zanahoria" but since they didn't know that the word "zanahoria" is "carrot" in English, they translated it as "juice of zanahoria". 


I could go on and on about the idiosyncrasies of Panamanian eating, but you've already had enough to absorb.  So, if you're brave and don't have high expectations, come to Panama...eat out when you're not hungry and still have your sense of humor. 

Notice the translations:
New Yor = New York Strip
Tibon = T-Bone Steak